Away from home at this time of year

Impact on me

The Peace Corps commitment is 27 months. The life is hard, the work is hard, the being away from loved ones is so hard. The rewards? I expect to see some improvement in myself and hope to see some improvement in the students and people around me in my temporary community. But, I know that the results may take years to develop and I will never know the extent of the impact I have on the lives of those around me. But, then we never know. We cannot even know the true impact of any experience or struggle on OUR life. Reflection and hindsight years later may help; I do not believe we ever really know.

So I am making huge sacrifices, all Peace Corps Volunteers do. The sacrifice is part of the reason we volunteer. I believe that the results in myself and others will be worth the sacrifices, but I don't know.


Anniversary and that time of year

Today is my wedding anniversary with Theresa. October 12th is a day to reflect on my life since I met Theresa. Although there are no signs of a fall season this close to the equator still there are the fall holidays – holidays that Theresa loved: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Of course the other anniversary of December 20th is also approaching.  This time of year is not easy and being away from my children, my family, my friends does not make it any easier.

I did not come to Ghana to forget things – which is good because the memories are ever present. Sometimes I think that the pain has subsided and at times I know it has not. Still, the pain, like the sacrifices, must be viewed from the wider perspective. I could have avoided the pain if I had not shared my life with Theresa and everything that that involved. The pain I feel is worth it. So I accept it and realize that I continue to grow and better understand myself, others, and life because of it.  I am happy and content with the pain and the suffering along with the other more pleasant experiences.


Impact on others

There is sacrifice and pain for each and every Peace Corps Volunteer, but at least we made the decision and so possibly it is easier to handle. However, it is not just the Peace Corps Volunteer who is making the sacrifice, experiencing the pain. The people left behind likely make a greater sacrifice, experience crueler pain. My children lost their mother on December 20, 2012 and their father left to go a quarter of the way around the world about a year and a half later. My mom lost her husband shortly after I lost my wife and again her oldest son left.

It was my decision to leave family and friends. I had their support, but I was going to go. I wanted, needed, a change in my life. But as with virtually every action there is a much wider impact. I changed their lives as well. We are all connected and every decision, every action, we make has a ripple into the lives of others. Some are hardly noticed. Others are hard, incredibly hard.

And so it is with every Peace Corps Volunteer. True, most have not left children behind, but many have left younger siblings, nieces, and nephews. Still, the older volunteers with children have to face the worry and guilt of a parent. I was reminded of the worry of a parent when my mom told her 55 year old son not to die in Africa.

The worry of a parent. 

 Did you make the right decision to do something or not do something? Should you have been harder or easier? What else could you have done, what other words could you have spoken, or not spoken?

I spoken with a number of older volunteers with children.  They all mention the guilt of leaving family behind, the feeling of abandoning their children.

Still, it is the hard parts in life, the challenges, the pain, the suffering that encourages the strongest growth. We all need to face the opportunities as best we can. Part of the parents role is to provide those opportunities for their children.

Hopefully, we can survive and grow. It may be harder when you have no choice, no way to change the situation. I've been at the receiving end of a number of huge events that were very hard to handle. As I look back on my life so far I know there were times that I faced the struggle and grew stronger and other times I was overwhelmed and shocked by the situation taking months or years to recover.

And so it is back to the worry of a parent and a Peace Corps Volunteer. Will my children, family, friends be able to face the difficulties that my decision cause and will they grow or will they be overwhelmed? I believe that they are strong and mature enough – I pray they are – but one can only know with hindsight. These next two year will be hard, possibly impossibly hard and I may need to terminate my service early it severe problems arise.  But for today I am staying.


Goats in my garden.

Reflecting on the above difficulties puts what I saw when I came home from school on Friday in perspective. I've been growing orka, beans, and tomatoes. All the plants are small – just starting to set roots ahead of the dry season. Have a mentioned that people allow their goats, donkeys, sheep, and such to roam and graze around the area?

So now I have the stems of plants and no leaves. All the work and struggle of the plants are pretty much wasted. Put in perspective it is a little funny.

Again, I pray that we all are able to handle to difficulties of life one day at a time. Sometimes it has to be one hour at a time. But we can handle it.


Closing thoughts

Life is not about sitting on the couch playing video games. Yes, sometimes we need a break. However, if we are not engaged in life, in reality, we may have fewer opportunities for pain but we have no real joy. The intensity of the pain is based on the intensity of joy and love.

Love always. It is always worth it.



John and Dad and husband

Happy Anniversary Theresa

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pito – brewed millet

Image
Corn, rice, and millet are the common grains grown in my region of Ghana. All three are used food, but millet is also used to produce the local brew – pito, or daa in the local language. “N nyu daa” - in Dagaree means “I drink pito.” There are several varieties of millet grown here – a red and white varieties have loose heads. These are used for pito and other foods. There is also a smaller seed variety with a tight head of seeds that is mainly used for porridge. (Don't have a picture of that variety yet.) In all varieties millet grows on a stalk with the grain head at the top of the stalk. White and red millet in the field Two bundles of while millet to be used for seed next season Converting a grain to alcohol is a common practice in various cultures. It provides a way to capture and digest the nutritional value of the grain. In some places, like Germany and the beer brewing monks, the making a beer was a way to preserve the harvest. In Ghana the millet is
Read more

Yam harvesting

Image
Roger and I went to farm to harvest yam on Saturday morning, September 13, 2014.  In Ghana a yam is a root crop that is different from a sweet potato.  We have sweet potatoes here as well. Yam recently harvested Preparing a yam for boiling The yam has a white flesh – softer than a white potato. In this area the yams are planted between April and June.  Harvest continues into December and January depending on the weather and pigs getting into the field. The plant is a vine – which is grown on stakes rather than allowed the spread out.  The plants are placed on a raised bed about 2 feet high.  The beds are surrounded by flat trenches.  This allows the rains to flow around, but not wipe out the yam crop.  Intercropping seems to be common practice with yams planted in the raised bed, soybeans around the edges, and rice in the trenches.  The occasional corn or okra plant is also among the yams – although the bulk of those crops are in other fields.   Row of ya
Read more

Mid-service Training

Image
This past week was mid-service training (MST). The conference was held on St. Lucia at the Mount of Prayer Coubaril run by the Benedictine Nuns. It was a lovely place with hospitable people as you would expect from Benedictines. A couple of years ago in Ghana I was able to spend a little time at a Benedictine Abby (popular with volunteers) – so it was a nice connection with the two Peace Corps services. I got a little spoiled with the great meals and the WiFi. I intentionally don’t have WiFi at my house so I’m less tempted to stay inside. I do have better data service than Dondometeng in the Upper West - no complaints there and so none here. Their Church Their view Their conference room Getting ready for a meal My room was the only one with a television.  It did work, but I didn't watch anything. My guess is the picture was a little fuzzy because of all the estrogen, but that's just a guy theory with a dirty phone This was actually my firs
Read more